“Find out why you should STOP paraphrasing your clients’ words right now”….

“So what I hear you saying is…..”

If you’ve used this sentence or one like it to paraphrase a statement, concern, objection, comment or suggestion then you could be sending a message to your client that you are not listening. You were probably told the best way to understand and connect with a prospect is to listen actively and paraphrase what you’ve heard. I’m sure you never gave it a second thought. But there’s a better way to communicate AND ensure your client knows you really understand their issue.

Have you ever paraphrased something a prospect said and didn’t get it right? Imagine how frustrating that is for the prospect who took their time to communicate their issue to you.  Instead of feeling like they’ve been heard they now have to spend more time explaining it again. How embarrassing is that for you to have to be re-told something you should have paid more attention to in the first place? This can significantly impact your ability to establish a connection and gain that prospect as a client.

It’s not that paraphrasing is a terrible thing to do. And your prospects won’t run out of the room screaming but there’s a better way to communicate that you’ve heard what they said. Plus you’ll create more feelings of empathy and understanding from your prospect allowing you to make a greater connection.  And most importantly there’s no chance of you “getting it wrong”. Are you dying to know what it is? Drum role please………

“Repeat their words back to them”

Here’s an example;

Prospect: I really want to lose ten pounds I’ve gained over the summer. I know I eat all the wrong foods plus I don’t exercise.  My schedule is so hectic I don’t even know when I’m going to find the time to fit it in.

Paraphrasing: So what you are saying is you’re unhappy with your weight, need some help with nutrition and time management skills.

Repeating their words:  You want to lose ten pounds, avoid eating the wrong foods and find the time to fit it in, is that right?

From this example can you pick out the difference between paraphrasing and repeating their words? In the paraphrasing sentence the personal trainer presumes the person is unhappy although they never state it.  The trainer is actually projecting their own emotion onto the prospect. The prospect may not be feeling unhappy but experiencing other emotions like frustration, anger or even resentment. The personal trainer may have gotten the emotion all wrong.  Subconsciously the prospect may be thinking, “that’s not it at all, this trainer doesn’t understand me”.

While it’s true that the prospect does need help with nutrition and time management the trainer doesn’t state what the exact issue is for them. Their paraphrasing was too general and the prospect will be thinking, “ I hope this trainer understands what I need.”

In the repeating their words example, three specific issues were brought to the attention of the trainer and then the trainer reiterated them back to the prospect. This was followed by the question, is that right? Since you are using their exact words to express their issue, the prospect will feel like you really understood them and say, “yes that’s right.” Repeating their words back is a much better way to communicate that you were listening and understand their problem.

One caveat I must mention. Don’t become a parrot and keep repeating back everything they say. Remember when you were a kid and you used to repeat every word someone said? How annoying was that?

Try using this technique of repeating their words when appropriate and take note of the response you get. Don’t forget to ask the question, “Is that right?” or a version of it to demonstrate to the prospect that you are really listening and understand their issues.